The First Marriage Myth: 9684 divorced singles weigh in on whether “love truly conquers all”

For ages, the same comforting script about marriage has been rotating: everything will fall into place because love conquers all. When two people are in love, their careers, personalities, families, finances, everything is sorted because love is powerful enough. But according to a survey by Rebounce, India’s first matchmaking and matrimony app for divorced, separated, and widowed individuals, over 9000 users said that after their marriage failed, they realised that there are several myths attached to marriage and love that need to be questioned. They didn’t turn cynical about love, but got more practical. Respondents said that one of their biggest realizations wasn’t that love fails sometimes; rather, it was understanding that love comes with heavy responsibilities that no one talks about or prepares you for.

The study was conducted among 9684 divorced and separated singles from Bengaluru, Mumbai, Kolkata, Delhi, Hyderabad, Kochi, Chennai, Indore, Pune, and other tier 2 and 3 cities. The participants ranged in age between 28 and 45, and were chosen from various professional fields. Rebounce’s Founder and CEO, Ravi Mittal, commented, “The myth that everything gets magically solved by love is one of the leading reasons for marriages and relationships to fail. We found that through our survey. Most of our users said that they entered their first marriage expecting love to do all the heavy lifting. In the majority of cases, there were always some telltale signs, but they ignored them, believing the narrative that when love is strong, all else will eventually work out. But the second-chance seekers, with their lived experience, are far more aware and cautious in their approach to love and remarriage, and even giving someone a chance for interaction.”

Unfinished Version
One of the least discussed myths about marriage, according to 3746 divorced women from Tier 1, 2, and 3 cities, is entering into a commitment or marriage, assuming that adulthood and the marriage itself will complete whatever shortcomings in compatibility both partners had. 8 out of 10 women said they were obsessed with the idea of a wedding, and being a perfect couple and forgot to check for emotional maturity, financial compatibility, healthy communication and even unresolved past issues. Following the marriage myth, participants shared trusting the process and believing all of these factors to align naturally after marriage. Anwita (33) said, “Only after my first marriage ended did I realise that marriage is not what completes a person, and sometimes love alone is not enough. So many factors need to be considered and worked on before making a lifetime commitment.”

Loss of Curiosity
Another significant issue came out of the survey; 43% of divorced singles between 30 and 40 revealed that certain beliefs about marriage, like thinking they know everything about their partner, lead to a loss of curiosity in the relationship. Conversations revolve around practicality and become purely logistical instead of exploratory. Abhilash, a 34 year old divorcee from Indore, said, “With my ex, I forgot to ask her questions about herself. I believe that it played a role in my marriage ending. I kept relying on the outdated version of her, when she was changing, as is natural. It was that idea instilled in me that I know my partner that led to this communication issue.”

Love as Evidence
39% of divorced singles mentioned a big challenge in their first marriage, calling it “love as evidence.” They explained that it was the idea that everything is okay as long as they were in love; for instance, one respondent shared that they had to move to a different city for her husband’s job, which led to her quitting her job. She shared that at the time, it felt like the right decision because they loved each other, but slowly, small decisions like these led to more resentment in the partner who had to compromise. Riddhima, a single mother from Delhi, clarified, “Now, after my divorce, I see love as a big part of marriage but not the whole picture. I understand now that love is neither evidence that all’s well nor should it be used to reason with constant compromises that inevitably lead to sacrifices, resentment and silent scorekeeping.”