Reasons Santa Claus is now called Jeff Bezos

As a kid, we all pictured Santa Claus to be making toys all year with the help of his magical wizard and deliver it on Christmas to everyone in the world with his reindeer. But since the last 30 years, a slight change in the shape and colour of Christmas can be noticed. With the fading reds, dimming ho-ho-hos Christmas seems cruel in the 21st century. It’s 2019 and it’s time to acknowledge Santa Claus as Jeff Bezos.

  • First, it is tough to believe how a balding bearded man can deliver billions of product in one night that is also for free. And what do we provide him with? Some cookies which he himself eats and doesn’t share with his workers. Tapping into the free Canadian Healthcare System is the only benefit of being Santa’s slave. However, Prime Claus pays at least $15/hour to 500,000 workers to keep children happy. Though there are rumours of a tough work environment, we need Jeff Goldblum anyway.
  • Secondly, it is rumoured that 24% of Americans are descendants of the fat, sneaky womanizer man which justifies the country’s obesity. Technically, Prime Claus can get it to everyone in less than an hour. To get it done, Amazon is crowdsourcing participants with a car. The delivery of packages is not an issue anymore as Jeff Bezos has a tiny helicopter within 30 minutes.
  • Thirdly, according to the famous song, Santa knows everything.He knows when you’re sleeping, when you’re awake, where you are, whether you are happy or sad, everything. Amazon’s Alexa also is always listening when your lights are off, your room temperature, what you are wearing, who has been naughty and your irrational anger. You can bet Alexa is the Elf-on-the-Shelf with Amazon’s new release of Alexa video products. Once Alexa identified a 9-year old boy breaking into his neighbour’s house. She did a voice recording and sent it to the home’s owner.
  • Santa usually delivers the wrapped gift under a tree, inside your home or in your mommy’s tummy. Amazon has also got it covered through gift-wrapping services and can easily get into your front door. Leave a cookie trail to your Christmas Tree and a software patch for Blitzen. Christmas in brown in 2019. Prime Claus has been in town since 1997, it’s time to dream about brown Christmas and mommy kissing Jeff Bezos.

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